Fuck Off Facebook!

Hello Everyone,

Long time, no see.

Not much news. I'm still in good ol' Ugg Land.

I've decided to leave Facebook. If you want to talk to me from outside it feel free to ask for my email in the comments. I wish I'd never signed up in the first place, it always felt wrong.

For some strange reason this is not letting me URL things but here is a nice link anyway: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/jan/14/facebook

In fact, two nice links: http://idler.co.uk/

P.S.

I just wanted to mention this in response to Antipoptart whose blog is not letting me comment....silly thing.

"Well, if Ugandan children weren't taught to speak English in school by teachers with obvious speech defects from birth it wouldn't be a problem"

--

DeTamble

Abra Cadabra Alakazam! DeT is BAAAAAACK! Snacktastic!

Good news! I'm back.

Bad news...I've forgotten how to blog.

So how are we all? Getting laid? Enjoying new perfumes? 
Watching My Family? Actually, on that note who currently has my My Family DVDs??

Carlo?
Antipop?

Uganda is lovely but I want to go shopping at David Jones!!
I want a Vogue subscription.
And sushi!

AND! Good pavement so I don't ruin my heels. Where's the pavement?
I wore my heels once and they got all dirty. *sniffles*
Shoes aren't meant to get dirty! Dear God! Never again!
They shall be resigned to my closet until M7 either paves the roads or hell freezes over.

Now, story time, I'm supposed to write something interesting if I remember right...which I probably don't.
I'm pretty sure blog posts aren't just supposed to be whinging about pavement.

Last month the Landlady's fifteen year old relative of some sort came-a-knocking.
It went something like this:

DeT: Hello.
Boy: Hello.
DeT: (wising he'd bugger off).
Boy: Do you want to be saved by Jesus.
DeT: (didn't realise I needed saving, I'm not on death row, no need to go around petitioning Jesus to save me) Erm...
Boy: What country are you from?
DeT: Australia.
Boy: What religion is Australia?
DeT: (avoids giving Boy long lecture on Australia's immigration and religious standing) Muslim (lying through teeth).
Boy: (completely falls for it)
DeT: But actually I'm Catholic (still lying through teeth, most likely Protestant if was anything, CoE.)
Boy: You want Jesus to save your soul so you can go to Heaven! Yes?
DeT: (Of course not, are you completely insane?!?!?! I'm not going to Heaven if you're going to be there!!!!) Erm...possibly.
Boy: (frowns) Possibly?
DeT: (shrugs)
Boy: Can I pray for you?
DeT: (Not one to turn down a free prayer for self) Sure, if it makes you happy.
Boy: (waltzes into house, places hands either side of my head) You have to close your eyes.
DeT: (closes eyes)
Boy: (prays very loudly in Luganda and clicking his fingers next to my ear every few seconds)
DeT: (opens eyes slightly)
Boy: (prays loudly)
DeT: (watches boy, shoulders start shaking, tries not to giggle)
Boy: (opens eyes, pauses) You have to keep your eyes closed.
DeT: (closes eyes, though Boy shouldn't have had his eyes open to notice my eyes open. Bad Boy)
Boy: (finishes prayer) Sorry for not praying in English.
DeT: No problem. I can't pray in Russian.
Boy: (stares, looks confused) Tonight you will have a dream and Jesus will come to you and he will tell you how to solve all your problems.
DeT: (bites lip, nods with serious expression)
Boy: Write down your dream and I'll come back and help you understand it.
DeT: (nods) Yes, absolutely! Thank you. Great praying.
Boy: (nods, smiles) I'll see you soon, bye. (buggers off)

I did have a dream.
My dead cat Fluffy was at the Fairfield RSPCA and my Mum found her there and brought her home.
Which I think means that Jesus is trying to contact me to say he's been born again and is trapped as a cat in a pound.

Bummer.

MIA

*cough* so...maybe one of you could let us know personally next time? When is the next BHH? The 30th? And yes, sorry, but honestly people! antipop you whore, how could you have managed to not even mention it!!

Heard of Hygiene?

Guess where I am...can you guess? Let me give you a hint, there are some fucking ugly birds flying overhead...

Nakulabye.

I'm not going to get sick of this place, even though there is some small spot of dirt on my skirt!! How dare this country dirty my clothes!!! Where's my bomb got to?!?!?! Other than that horrifically huge shortcoming this place is COOOOOL. I'm so never leaving...okay so I am at some point going to have to go home, you know what relatives can be like.

Overall impressions of Uganda: Freaking Motherfucking Awesome!! I'm becoming an illegal immigrant.

Whoever said this country is hot is fucking lying whore.

I'm racist. Every time I see another White person I get quite irritated, mainly because they're either all over 40 or fat, wobbly, sweat covered and bright red with dirty hair!!! You there, White person, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!! What kind of representation is that?? I'm ashamed to be associated with you people! Where the fuck is your hair brush? Shampoo? Conditioner? Sunscreen? Beetroot is only an acceptable shade when it's over 40c. And what the hell are you wearing? You would never be seen dead in those clothes back home!! Don't you understand that when you go overseas you are representing your country, culture and people? Don't shame me by going outside with three weeks of dirt caked to your hair! You disgust me! Stop wasting your money on those beggars and go buy some fucking soap!

I'm seeing Antipop this afternoon....I feel so honoured.

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Where prehistoric birds adorn lamp posts, where Antipop is President and where Dreadlocked Communists and Bald Children roam, free range, across the country side...

To the magical land of Uganda I come.

Someone owes me a drink.

Fun Times!

I have Glandular Fever.

It sucks.

For people asking, I leave on Sunday midnight (Monday) and arrive on Tuesday afternoon.

*EDIT*

Poor Dark Night, I forced him all the way to Wikipedia to discover what Glandular Fever is...sucker :-)

Glandular Fever is Infectious mononucleosis, also known as Pfeiffer's disease, mono, in that dumb country (USA), all the intelligent people call it Glandular Fever.

It has various symptoms, of those these are the pesky ones I have:

Fever—this varies, but is seen in nearly all cases.
Enlarged and tender lymph nodes—particularly the posterior cervical lymph nodes.
Sore throat—White patches on the tonsils and back of the throat are often seen
(Yes there are white patches, I got my torch and shone it down my throat and was like "Ewwwwwwwww what the fuck is that??" I even got a cotton tip to see if the white stuff could be scraped off...it can't. I'm pissed. MY TONSILS ARE TURNING WHITE!!! What the fuck do they think they're doing?? I AM ALREADY WHITE!!! To my Tonsils: You can't turn white, we're already white and you are not, under any circumstances allowed to pull a Michael Jackson!!!!)
Aching muscles (On Monday I couldn't actually move, or at least I got to the couch and then couldn't get up again)
Headache
Loss of appetite (Well there goes that Ugandan weight, sorry Carlo)
Dizziness or disorientation (Not fun to have in the city)
Inability to swallow, due to enlarged tonsils (Can I have a bucket please?)
Dry cough (This list just got boring)

I know who gave this to me too, it was Ginger...I mean I knew she didn't want me to go very much but this is evil. My hat's off to you! Wish I'd thought of this when my friend left, could have made them stay for ages longer. But no cigar my dear, I'm going anyway, I'll just not be allowed to kiss anyone until it's gone, so two weeks - a few months. I'm sorry Chanel, looks like we'll have to post-pone our date.

@Kakaire: My paws are greasier than yours.

Exportation

I've started a company. It's called DeTamble Exports. My first job is to export myself.

I leave on Sunday.

Apart from that I've been busy these past few weeks, hence the lack of posts.

My friend Amber came to visit. She, I and Michael went over to Bee's inner-city apartment (very sexy!) and ate chocolate hash cake and watched Alien, spent the whole time making crude jokes about it too and wishing there was more nudity! When the movie was over Amber said she wanted to watch porn and so we went to the porn shop near the Teddy Bear shop on the next street. We spent an hour there. We bought a gay German porno called...erm...actually I don't remember what it was called. We also got this real old school one called Every Inch A Lady, that was awesome! It was like a whole fucking movie! I've never seen such an intense plot on a porno before!! There was a three DVDs for the price of two so we also got one called Amberella. My friends tend to call me Ella alot, what can I say, Australians have an obsession with shortening names. So a porno with Amber and Ella in it. We had to have it!!

It was good but I freaked out whilst watching it because a) it was old porn and the girls obviously never heard of trimming and b) neither had the guys and c) remind me to NEVER EVER EVER let a guy with a moustache go down on me! NO FUCKING WAY!!! It looks gross!!! Get your filthy yeti lip away from my pussy!

I finished my last shift at work last Sunday. All done! YAY! I was going to burn my work shirt but instead I had people sign it :-) inlcuding a customer.

The past few months I've been sick on and off, it's been a fucking nuisance!! Back in March I lost about 4 kg in two weeks...illness does not become me in the slightest. July 2007 I got this horrific bout of influenza and it just keeps coming back. So I went to the doctor three months ago for some injections (for Uggy Land) and she measured and weighed me and said that I needed to gain some weight. She said it would be a very wise idea to gain about three to five kgs otherwise if I got sick, malaria or something else that I have never had, then I'd at least have some spare pudge. Apparently the last thing you want is to get sick and already be on the lowest BMI. So I put on some weight....and I didn't have to pay a cent to do it! My Mum when all Motherly on my arse!!

"Ohh my Baby is leaving me, let me feed you!!" And so she did. And I ate. And now I'm fat*. And my Doctor is somewhat proud of me :-)

Now all that was fun but the best thing I did was last Friday. I was in the city and there was a group of Aboriginal dancers there from the Yuggera tribe and I was watching them, along with a couple of hundred other people and one of the guys came over and asked me to go dance with them. So I did. I dumped my shoes and bag with their stuff and went and danced.

*48kg.