Friday, 29 February 2008


Need to figure out how to linkage and picturage here and there's a massive tennis ball sized knot in my hair and I am pissed! That's it, I'm cracking open a bottle, I don't care how early it is!

Sydney, couple of days ago. HAHA. SUCKERS!

Hmm, that was unexpectedly simple. Either I'm total idiot or a complete genius!

Effin' hell that was a intense knot to work out, two hours it took! My arms are killing me from holding them up behind my head. Owwwww. Where's my booze got to?

Thursday, 28 February 2008

Where Did I Go?

I looked in the mirror this morning and I was so surprised by what I saw that I had to sit down on the bed. Where did I go? That's not me! That's an adults face! Where is my face? Where are my cute pudgy little cheeks? What are these cheek bones for? My face looks so different. Why did it take me so long to notice, I look in the mirror like five times a day. Why did I only notice now. As I sat on the bed I looked at my little hands, the dimples children have on their hands are gone. When did they go? How long have they been gone? When did I become an adult? How could I have missed this! I'm gone and there's this strange girl staring back at me.

Rufus Wainright, where have you been hiding my whole life? I've fallen in love with your voice, it makes my heart beat so hard, I'm on a constant high.

My boyfriend and I are breaking up. I'm having an affair with a wrestler called Jeronimo. Ha, no not really. We're not breaking up for a while. In August he's going overseas for a while and I'm always busy with uni. Plus I want to leave my country for the greener grass of others and I don't want him to come with me. I want to be by myself. He doesn't want to come anyway. Which I think is good. When we started going out in 2006 we fought so often, it even got physical occasionally but apparently I'm too frightening to fight with because I fight like an enraged cat. We don't fight any more, we worked through most of our differences and learned to live with the rest. It's been the strangest relationship I've ever had and I definitely don't want another like it but it's been a good learning experience. It certainly opened my eyes up to a whole lot of things. Enough is enough though and it's time to move on. August can't come soon enough. I love him and I never want to stop being close to him but I don't want to date him any longer. He's not even my type. I have this rule that I wont date anyone under six foot, and I broke it for him because, well I don't even know why, I just did. The only reason we're staying together atm is because we live in the same house and share the rent and I don't want to have to pay double rent, also the lease doesn't run out until July/August. We companionably ignore each other most of the time, I'm quite enjoying myself too, I have new things and new people to experience.

An update on A's hair, it's gone green. Muwhahahaha. They're trying to dye it red now.

I have my first Uni classes for this year on Wednesday, I'm only studying three subjects this semester. Social Sciences in Australia, Understanding Islam and Muslim Societies and Effective Writing. The books for the subjects are really interesting. I wonder what I'll think of the lectures.

I've put the Purple Hibiscus on hold at the library, I should have it in a few days. I hope it's as good as people say. Recently I read Balzac and The Little Chinese Seamstress, I laughed and thought of the Dying Communist.

You should read it 27th, it's good. Seriously, read it! It's true Australia was having it's worst drought in history. Most of our dams were empty, there were so many skeletons on farms. Bats were literally dropping from the sky because they had starved to death. 4 minute showers have been the rule. A new "Water Patrol" was created, they're the water police and they drive around and give people huge fines for water misuse. They're like water Nazis. Children in Australia from about 8 and younger had never even seen rain until late last year. Apparently the drought is breaking in some parts. Broken by flooding. The rest of it is still so dry great cracks have ripped apart the earth. Looks like a huge earthquake went through. Maybe Australia's climate has PMS.

Did it die because you fed it only bread? What type of bird was it? When I was little I used to help this old lady who looked after hurt sugar gliders. They're so cute, the cages smell though. You can't feed the babies cow milk because it makes them go blind. They're so soft. At least you took care of the bird, it's better to die being loved than to die out in the cold and starving.

The guy who didn't swim spent 30 hours hanging onto the esky lid until a helicopter came to find him. I would have swum.

You are an over-conservative idiot! :)

Yes, Australians kill tourists and if the people don't kill you the country will. I'm not joking about this, 100s of tourists have died here. Murdered, mostly backpackers. Or drowned. Or lost. The police find new bodies constantly. There wont be a week that goes by here without another tourists body being found. They're in the paper constantly. Don't worry though, we just like to kill the English, French and Germans. African tourists seem to be perfectly safe, for the moment. Probably because there aren't a lot of them here.
Tips for tourists who would like to visit without dying.
1) No hitch hiking! Most of the missing backpackers were killed by a pair of brothers who offered them a lift and then brutally murdered and raped them and then left their bodies in the bush.
2) If you want to go outback do it with a reputable tour group and don't fucking ever walk off by yourself! You don't want to end up like the French lady who scrawled "help" in the desert sand. Actually she was just found today, she's still alive but she was lost in the desert for almost five days. Or the lady last month who was in a car crash out whoop whoop (it means middle of nowhere) all the people in the car died and she walked for a week along the road until a truck saw her. They were lucky, most of the time you die.
3) Going to the beach? Don't go out more than 5 meters and stay between the flags at ALL TIMES! Unless you want to drown. A couple drowned here about 3 weeks ago and they were on they're honeymoon. I forget which country they were from though. During Christmas several Indian students drowned. Honestly people. Learn to swim or get the fuck out of the water!
4) Stick to the cities and if you want to travel go along the East Coast. Only go outback if you really really desperately want to and be well prepared and don't, repeat, DON'T go by yourself.
If you feel likely to forget the outback rule, I suggest you watch the movie Wolf Creek. It should help remind you.
5) You can go to Uluru though, there's always plenty of people there, you're highly unlikely to die. Unless you're a baby and the Dingo gets you.

Any of you heard of a comedian named Akmal? The dude is fucking hilarious. He's the best Aussie around. Brilliant. Actually speaking of comedy, any one heard of The Chaser's War On Everything? Their APEC stunt. Hehe. Canada can get you anywhere.

27th, my dad is Chinese, he speaks Mandarin. If I was going to learn languages I'd learn French, German, Serbian, Danish, Russian and Japanese. I already speak a very small amount of Danish. I saw the video too. I didn't realise you were so young!! I'm sorry but in my mind I had aged you to around late 30s early 40s. My bad. I really liked your dreads though. Sprite? I wish I thought you were joking. You smoke pot. Why just Sprite?

@Cheri, did you mean put this post up?

Can someone else explain to me what "Spit Out" means. You were bloody hopeless at explaining that 27th. Unless you meant that, ohhh no nvm I just don't understand. Try again.

PS. I hope everyone has a blast at UBHH. I'm going to go to bed now to sulk ; ( Unreasonable plane ticket prices. Hmph!

Alcoholics Anonymous

I Eat Dinner - Rufus Wainright is my song for the day. Yesterday too.

I can't remember what I wanted to write about, my mind is a total blank. Maybe I've finally killed off too many brain cells.

@Scotchbiscuit, Sydney got massively flooded when a months worth of rain fell in 1 hour. And a couple of weeks ago somewhere else in Aus got a 10years of rain in less than a week. So now would be a great time to visit if you always wanted to row down the streets :P

I got a text at 5 this morning from my bf asking me to take his wallet into work because he forgot it and needed food for lunch. Instead of catching the bus there I decided to walk, it's only a 21/2 hour walk. Got halfway and I looked down and there was a beautiful little nest lying under a tree so I picked it up to have a look and it was warm. Now I've picked up nests before and they've never been warm. It wasn't sunny either because it was raining. I looked down and there was a tiny brown speckled egg and I picked it up and it was warm too. I looked for another egg but I didn't see one. Long story short, I gave the egg and nest to the vet. I was going to take it home and keep it warm but I don't have time for an egg! I wonder if the vet threw it in the bin? Hmmm. I don't think so though, there are very strict and enforced laws about wildlife here. It's probably gone to a wildlife carer. My bf got his wallet too and the egg got to go on two buses. For free. Also a muscle in my leg that I didn't even know I had started to ache after only an hour!

@Cheri, the baby from the last post is out of hospital now and is absolutely perfect. In fact it's so perfect they should probably name it DeTamble.

Two fisherman at Byron Bay were shipwrecked and one of them hung onto an esky lid whilst the other swam for TEN hours back to shore to get help! TEN HOURS!! Oh my God!! I'm amazed he survived, if the sharks didn't get him (hahaha) then the rifts were sure to suck him down. The dude must be like a superhero or something.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from Bee saying that they dyed Amby's hair brown now. See yesterday I got called to go over to Amby's flat to dye her hair blonde. So Bee and I mixed up the stuff and put it in her hair and then wrapped her head in Glad Wrap (plastic wrap, for sandwiches and the such). Tom (my bf/Doctor Who) stood around laughing and telling me to wipe the dye of her face with the towel. Amby refused to leave it in long enough so it turned out yellow/gold and not blonde! I kind of liked the colour but Bee, Amby and Tom weren't happy with it. So off we went for a walk to the supermarket cause we were all to pissed to drive, except me but I don't even have my learners yet (really need to get it soon!). Amby gave me her bank card cause she was too embarrassed to come inside with us. So I bought a whole lot of food with her card, SUCKER! Now you're even poorer than you were before! We spilled tomato pasta sauce on her cream carpet too, it goes well with the red wine which we spilled last time :D Since last night Amby has had her hair dyed 3 times, twice blonde and now Bee called to say they just dyed it brown. Poor Amby, I hope it didn't sting her scalp to bad.

Also we watched the shower scene in Rambo I for Bee's sake. She's obsessed with him, worse than I am with Kate, if that's possible. Then we searched for the porn Rambo was in but we only found the preview, boooooring! So instead we watched some lesbians getting it on. It wasn't porn. It was a sex scene from a tv show and it was HOT! I totally understand why guys like it. Ahhhh, Fuck Me, They Were So Hot! Okay, stop thinking about it now DeTamble!! Seriously girl, just stop! *takes a deep breath* Anywho, yesterday I drank my first Absinthe, and my first Gin. 27th I'm telling you now I'm not a Gin girl, I'm a Port girl. Perhaps you could make a port out of you fermented nectar instead? ;) Since when do Ugandans kill tourists? Speaking Arabic at an airport can get you arrested?? But that's where I always practise my Arabic. Damn, maybe I should start learning a new language. Can Luganda get you arrested at airports?
I too like tripod jokes :) Would the funny Britcom be Coupling by any chance? I hope it is because I LOVE that show! I own that show!

I've just remembered what I wanted to blog about now. New post coming ever so shortly...

Tuesday, 26 February 2008


PNG (Papua New Guinea). The country next to mine. A husband and wife were accused of witchcraft because their neighbour died. They were hung in a tree in the middle of the night. Luckily the nooses were loose so they managed to escape but during that time the lady, out of shock, gave birth to her baby while still hanging from the tree and trying to hang onto the rope so she could breath! WTF were the villagers who hung them thinking? ARGH! And I live next to that country. It sucks. People who believe in witchcraft enough to hang someone else can go and suck on my hairy balls!!

How do you justify doing something like that?
"oh Yeah I know people die all the time and it didn't look suspicious at all but you know that husband and wife were his nearest neighbours so they must be witches and obviously because they were his nearest neighbour they would have definitely killed him. I'll go take the law into my own dangerously misguided and stupid hands and go and hang them in the dead of night when they're not expecting it."

Sometimes I look at the world and I just want to shoot myself.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Strange Days On Planet DeTamble

I tend to have random flashes, an idea, a feeling, a thought. These were today's:

1. I adore my country, but only in a senses way, don't care for the people or government.
2. I find twins highly intriguing, probably because I know none.
3. I wish I knew more about jazz.
4.I miss my (step)daddy, I want to see him.
5. I like watching Miss Marple.
6. I love the sexual tension between David Tennant and Sophia Myles (she's so hot) in The Girl In The Fireplace.
7. I love the song Suo Gan.
8. Welsh accents send my heart a fluttering.
9. I really, really, really like Empire of the Sun, it's the first movie I can remember watching.

I saw Rambo IV. I did not want to see this - AARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I just had a jumping ant on me *cries like a baby*. If that had bitten me I would have been sooooooo screwed!!!! - not because I could quite happily have died yesterday but because I actually just didn't want to see the movie. Not even a little bit. B, A, T ( lol bat) and I went. I had been expressly told I would not be piking on the movie. Even though I really wanted too!! So I went.

As we were walking over the bus way A said to me " You know DeTamble every time I see you I think you can't say anything more shocking and appallingly then the thing you said last time we hung out but now I know you can always reach a new high."

Me- "What?! When did I last shock or appal you?"
A - "Yesterday!! I can't believe what you said about that boy in the drain!"
Me - "Oh right, sorry I forgot I said that."
I forgot to ask what I had said that had shocked and appalled her as we walked across the bus way to make her say that in the first place. I'm sure it was something terrible, as usual.

B had said that the movie was a B-grade action movie. Turned out it was a bloody, violent murder porn movie!!! Poor A couldn't watch it at all so I gave her my iPod to listen to the Juno soundtrack and she sat with her eyes closed for most of the movie, poor girl. I watched it though, there was only once that I hid behind my hair and didn't look. My heart was pounding, so much adrenaline. When I walked out of the cinema I felt like I was on drugs. It was intense. And the rape scenes. I hate rape. It's disgusting. I would rather die then be raped. Really, just kill me first. Don't care what you do with the body just let me go first. If it was just one person I would try to hurt them, anything I could do. I'd circumcise them with my teeth if I could. Do you think that would hurt them? I hope so.

The movie made me feel a little sick actually. I was a little shell shocked. The one thing I really liked though was the guy who towards the end Rambo leaves with the girl. I WANT his gun! It was fucking awesome! I don't know exactly what it was but I fucking want it! That gun and the guy shooting it, best bit out of the whole movie! I loved those bits!!!

Afterwards we sat in the park. A was meeting her sister who has come down from up north. A is the coolest person. She says she gonna tell her sister she's a lesbian. Her family are well, very religious homophobic racists to be quite honest. Typical northerners, apart from the religious bit. Anyway I don't know why she has to tell her sister. Why not keep the family in the dark, she hardly ever sees them anyway. I reckon she should stay in the closet when it comes to her family. There's plenty of room in her closet, since she seems to fit all of us in just fine.

When I was sitting in the cinema with them and I thought, I just love hanging out with them, they're the coolest friends anyone could want. It's such a high to be around them. I always go home with my ribs aching because I've laughed so much. Actually maybe I should stop hanging out with them, I'm sure they're adding to my wrinkle count. Laughter lines my arse, those are just wrinkles!!

On another topic, Rambo related though. Urgh Rambo. B loves Rambo! She reckons he soooo hot. Even now that he's like 70 and powered up on testosterone injections! She loves him, she wants his cock. Ewwwwww! GROSS! I don't get it! How can she like Rambo??

On the other hand she doesn't understand why I want Morgan Freeman. His voice is so hot and his fluffy hair and ohhhh my god he's soooooo hot. Alan Rickman too. Ahhhh they can take me anytime.

Oh and Kate Maberly. *Swoons* Oh Kate if only you were mine.

I would want for nothing more.


Why are Americans stopping by my page to read the "Watch that cock grow" post? They're arriving from Google straight to that post. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY SEARCHING FOR??

Saturday, 23 February 2008

RE: Posion Capsule

I have to run in 3min so quick update in case you drop by. Nothing bad has happened, well nothing like that anyway. A couple of weeks ago I finally gathered up the courage to tell my mum what I'm planning to do with my life/career and what I want to do hurts her, badly. She's very worried about me and sad for herself. I don't like hurting my mummy, it makes me hurt. Lots. I'll edit this later I gtg now. Bye fluffy head


Yeah, it's bad when we make our Mamas cry :-( She wanted me to go to Uni and study psychology, get a good job, get married, buy a house and have a few children and she either wanted to live with me or live nearby. I'm all she has. I have no siblings and my father has been a missing person since I was 3 and my step-father lives 4hours flight away from us. The rest of her family live just as far away as my step-dad but in another city, the closest person is my Aunt but my mum can't handle talking to her. Remember that lady 27th wrote about recently, the lady with the scars, that's my aunt and she refuses to leave him even though a couple of weeks ago he broke her jaw. So yep, I'm all she has and she was relying on me and I couldn't do what she wanted. Instead I'm studying International Relations and as soon as I'm done I'm leaving my country to see things that will scar me for life, may get me killed and will definitely hurt. That's what I'm scared of, that it'll hurt so much I'll just die inside. And I've only just started and I already hurt because I know it'll hurt her more just because I wont be with her.

Woah, DeTamble way to depress yourself, I think maybe you shouldn't write this stuff down girl.

Friday, 22 February 2008

That Poison Capsule 27th, I'll Visit On My 28th Birthday.

My heart is bruised, my feelings hurt and I am frightened. So when my mother says do you want to see a corny love movie I jump at the chance because for a little while it makes me feel happy and I forget that I am travelling down a path that will ultimately destroy me. I watch the movie and just for a moment I forget how scared I am.

Thursday, 21 February 2008

FUCKING FAT CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shit went down at work today!!

I work for a huge corporation, we're talking multi-billion here. A Giant Fat Chashed up company who've got a very strict workplace code of conduct and if you stray from that code, man are you fucked! So when things like this happen at work it's HUGE!

This person at work, totally sweet, really nice, works hard and is generally pretty awesome, well they're in charge of arriving early at work to prepare it for opening. We'll call this person Bobbi. So Bobbi is waiting patiently at the bus stop and the dead beat bus driver just drives past. So Bobbi calls work to say "gonna be late". It's all good.

Gets to work 30min late and goes to see the supervisor to tell her what happened with the bus and sorry for being late, not that is was Bobbi's fault anyway. The Supervisor who isn't unbelievably thick goes "the bus? but the manager said that you were late because you're a drug addict and you couldn't tidy yourself up fast enough to get to work on time"

Now Bobbi is like the perfect employee, makes me look like a lazy slut actually. Anyway Bobbi goes to talk to the manager who by the way if the fattest person I know, not to mention the dumbest, bitchiest, racist pig that I've ever heard speak. Oh and she's a total back stabber too. Recently two Nepalese teenagers started work and she said "do you think we should give them lockers? they might be terrorists!" umm yeah right of course they're terrorists. and my elbow is about to blow up parliament house.

anyway Bobbi asks her and of course she denies she ever called her a drug addict. which was totally stupid because i've personally heard her say it, but at the time i thought yeah okay whatever. but this time she really really meant it. btw Bobbi is not a drug addict, not even close. there are a few druggies who work there but she aint one of them. i'm more likely to be shooting up in the car park :D

anyway the manager is just nasty and it totally got out of hand and Bobbi spent most of the day crying her eyes out in the locker room and the big big big boss got called in for meeting about it. turns out the manager is in serious danger of losing her job! but you know that's what happens when you accuse your employees of being lazy drug addicted workophobes.

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings

The time has come to put away childish fancies, to lay to rest my dreams because UNIVERSITY goes back next week!

First of all, Hello Anonymous Ugandan fan from Iowa. Your wish has been granted oh non-rhyming fan. I am posting more often. Where are you?

As some of the more intelligent amongst you may have noticed the post below the post below is a tad incoherent and borders on psychotically depraved but fear not I'm okay now, my moment of irate insanity has passed, to be replaced by updated, bigger and better moments of psychotic behaviour once University officially commences.

27th, strange fluffy haired man of the even stranger boots, how's the clawing going? Do you feel as though you have successfully reclaimed your domain?
An unsuccessful assassin in a previous life, huh? What was your weapon of choice in your old assassin days? Personally I always favoured the sniper rifle.
As for those emails, perhaps you should send them a picture of your manhood so they can gaze in awe and envy and promptly take you off their mailing list.
I was having a closer look at the picture of "my" goat and I realised it's pupils slanted horizontally. Is that normal? It makes it look scary!
YES! You do have better tricks then snot! There are some extremely good looking Ugandans (I'm not saying anything for their personalities, but they do look good). Just line up some hot adults and then some snot babies on a tv ad with a cheesy american voice saying "If you sponsor a snotty nosed infant today you could be caring for tomorrows studs" Or some other equally corny/smutty/sleazy line. Hmm, but that still uses the snot. Maybe you don't have any better tricks, maybe you're just doomed 27th.

If it makes you feel any better I was lying when I wrote that I was guilt tripped into sponsoring because of a snot covered child. I actually only did it because I was watching a documentary on a couple of Australian journalists who were reporting in Rwanda during the genocide and how they were affected by it. It was extremely graphic to say the least and I was very curious about Rwanda after that. Started reading, turns out I like Uganda more than Rwanda. I had extra money so I sponsored a Ugandan. No snot involved. Plenty of Blood though. Also there was this Acholi boy who was, ahhhhhhh, he's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hot I almost died!

Friday, 15 February 2008


My bf just got home from work so I went to say hello.

Me - "Hey"
Him - "Ooooh a boobalator"
Me- "Are you trying to say my tits look nice in this singlet?"
Him - "Yes"

$50 and a Goat

So there's this boy in Gulu who I think is pretty fucking hot! Not that that has much to do with anything other than I think he's nice to look at. Anyway DeTamble stop day dreaming and write about the goat!

Like I said in one of my first blogs I got guilt tripped into sponsoring a child. Those horrible ads with those icky snotty snivelling children were too much for me. So I sponsored one. No one should have snot stuck to their face. It's just gross.

As a general rule I hate children. I thought I hated all children. Well now after months of sponsoring I stand corrected. Turns out I only hate the children in my country. I'm wondering if this is because I have direct contact with the children in my country or if perhaps the children here are nasty, selfish, spoilt, FAT, ugly disgusting excuses for human beings. I think it may be the latter. Of course not all children are like that, some are very nice but most are just retarded!
Personally, I blame the parents here because their children didn't get like that without some guidance. Anyway I'm getting a little sidetracked and I don't want this post to turn into a generational warfare one, so back to the point.

I specifically chose Uganda because it's my favourite African continent country (yeah, I do actually have a preferred country on every continent, I know, how shallow). The Pearl of Africa, with a name like that what more could you want, plus you guys got those weird birds that look like mutant vultures. Oh and there's that really hot guy in Gulu.

Anywho so that Ugandan kid that I quite like because she isn't a brat like the kids here. Actually that could be an excellent way to advertise sponsorship. Instead of showing fly infested children they could show some erm, what would you call them? Kosher kids? You know, children who are clean and don't look like they're gonna drop dead in the next 2 seconds and then point out how much nicer they are then the kids here. And then all the parents here will be like "oh, what a lovely child" and then drop their own nasty fat children off a cliff and spend their money on a nicer child, rather then on their own retarded child (who sat around all day eating crisps and playing Xbox and who would have grown up to be a McDonald's junkie and ultimately wasted their fat retarded life). Argh! I keep getting sidetracked!



I sent and extra AUD$50 that's about USD$46 to my sponsored child. For Christmas. They bought a really hardcore pair of school shoes for her that are going to last until the day they stop playing Simpsons repeats here. A really amazing new dress that I'm a little jealous of and a goat. They also sent me a picture with said goat in it. A Goat! I love goats! It's quite a good looking goat in my opinion. Goats are awesome. I can't believe it, it's so not fair ! I always wanted a goat! And now she has a goat, where's my goat? I'm suffering from massive goat envy at the moment. Lucky kid. I always wanted a goat and what do I have? 5 cats. Hmmm maybe if I tie the cats together I could pretend they were a goat.

Oh kitties, where are you? I'm coming to fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind you...

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Wow, Watch that Cock Grow, I mean Crow

Got a nice email today from an Osa Prusacki, the subject title you ask?

Whip out your huge manhood, and watch her squeal with delight.

Needless to say I laughed so hard I had to leave the room to check on my defrosting seaweed.

Saturday, 9 February 2008


What do you mean I used up my 7GB monthly limit and now I have to use normal dial up speed? It's only the 9th! You mean I'm stuck with this, this arrrgggghh!!! DIAL UP!!! This is Australia! I Demand To Have Privileged Internet!! You Fucking ISP Schmucks!! Can't you see Japan over there, you know that other island slightly north and to the right? Our closest "cool" neighbour!!!! The country with the fastest internet? Are you BLIND? Why do I only have 7GB a MONTH????

Oh, and one more thing.

John Howard, SCREW YOU!


Kevin Andrews, I'm looking forward to the day a large cube of frozen urine lands on your fat head!

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Assassinations R Us

When I was in high school I had a few ideas,

1) I wanted to be an assassin when I grew up, not a freelance assassin though, I wanted to be a government employed assassin, something similar to the English SAS.

2) I decided that if I had been born a boy I would have travelled the world impregnating women under a false name and would consequently be the father of a thousand bastards.

3) If I was a mother and I decided I was sick of my children I would take them on an around the world trip and "accidentally" leave them in a country. A different country for each child. I was thinking four children, so four countries would be needed, Russia, Italy, France and Holland.

Now that I'm older I've changed my mind on the third one.

Friday, 1 February 2008

Go Away Feline Face!

I have a cat called Ribbon, actually I have 5 cats, used to be 6 but that one decided we weren't good enough for him so he buggered off to the neighbours who were only too happy and renamed him Sylvester and gave him a shiny collar with a bell and an ID tag. Stuck up poncy animal! Anyway Ribbon the cat I was wanting to write about is around 10 and sheds like it was going out of fashion. She's one of those cats that always wants attention ALL THE TIME!! Argh! Can't she go bother someone else! As soon as you sit down she comes swarming over with her tabby fur wanting and meowing and staring imploringly up at you and so you give in and pat her. Like right now for instance, when I was busy brushing my hair and reading Nathan's blog and I stopped patting her because you know, I actually have better things to do. Turns out ignoring her is the wrong thing to do because when I looked over at her she had the most EVIL expression I've ever seen!

I've given in again, I gave her my foot to fawn over since she has no problem being patted by my foot. Not like the other cats who are so posh they scratch me if I even dared to think about lending them my dirty foot.