Wednesday, 6 August 2008

I Always Wanted To Be A Child Soldier

I used to have a rule about not dating anyone with brown eyes. Casual sex with a brown eyed person was fine but emotional attachment was not. With emotional attachment comes that remote and horrific possibility of a child and I decided long ago that if I had to have one of those irritating, sticky, wanting, needy, grasping, money thieving disgustoids in human form that it would be one with blue eyes.

Yes, I do understand the colloquial meaning of shallow.

I have a thing for blue eyes, I also have a thing for dark, curly red hair, but that's beside the point. If you took a look at my line of previous boyfriends the term, Aryan Race, might spring to mind. As a child I even had a thing for the Hitler Youth. Well, the cute ones from WWII movies, not the actual ones, the real Hitler Youth's hair was always too short, I thought they frowned too much and the pictures of them were always black and white and grainy. Not acceptable for a pin up.

So there I was, dating an Aryan boy, he was so white he was practically translucent and I was happy in the knowledge that if things fucked up and I didn't want to abort then at least the brat would be a blue eyed brat. Obviously by cutting out brown eyed people from my dating range that included every race that is not Caucasian and every Caucasian that is not blue eyed. One of my friends said that was totally racist but actually it isn't racist, it's race related, but not racist.

My Mother has always wanted a grandchild. She had a plan for me that involved children, amongst other things and since I wanted to please her I went along with it. All our family had blue eyes, until my generation, all my cousins have brown eyes, except me and my Mother always thought it would be sad if I didn't continue on the blue eyes, so I went along with that specification too. In fact I went along with pretty much everything she wanted but frankly Aryan boys, as cute as I think they may be, are not for me. Though I do really like blue eyes and think they are very pretty what I really like are Japanese boys, boys with turbans, Sri Lankan boys, Maori boys and Eastern and Southern African boys.

Of course I'd never say no to a good looking German, Serbian or New Zealand boy, but I think that may have more to do with their kick-arse accent!

Don't want to dissapoint my Mother though by giving her a brown eyed baby, so I'll call a compromise and give her no baby. So now Blogren, let us raise our glasses and toast to NO evil, manipulative, minature DeTambles slutting themselves around the place!

--

Bakashaba Ruhanga Owomwiguru Kubahereza Yabahereza DeTamble

33 comments:

  1. ... these firsties.

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  2. All the way to third.

    I'll toast to that DeT.

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  3. baz dances the interweb, me i dance the comments.

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  4. "Bakashaba Ruhanga Owomwiguru Kubahereza Yabahereza DeTamble"

    bless you child, allergy?

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  5. so is that last line now our new name? that must be courtesy of antipop... question is, can you pronounce it well? and say it fast... not one by one...

    now, looking into the future crystal... yes i see detamble, a bit older, still looks as cute... yes i do see some little tots following her around... one, two.. oooh and a third who look like her... no blue eyes... brown ones like their father... and oh yes, with the nice light brown skin of the caucasian-african mix...

    with that revelation, definitely cannot toast!

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  6. @sybella, you accuse me falsely. that was chanelno5 that coined it. i am here sulking by the way that my name did not get taken but oh well!

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  7. @Petesmama: Dances self all the way to ninth!

    @31337: *sneezes* Allergy.

    @Sybella: It's one of my new names. It's a bit long though, I might just shorten it to DeTamble :P
    No I can't say it. I can sound it out slowly and stumblingly. You guys can teach me how to say it right if you want. Should be entertaining......I'm coming for you...with my machete...just make sure 27th NEVER sees this! You don't want to go giving him any ideas!!! I don't do childbirth!!!!! He'll be looking to raise his very own Communist Army...

    @Antipop: Who said I didn't choose your name too? I'm DeTamble, I can have as many names as I damn well like.

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  8. i have blue eyes..........with contacts there is asolution so we need sorry i need those mini detambles!! for reasons with held

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  9. I am little, with grey eyes and long hair. .............am getting confused!!

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  10. Haaaa...Petesmama. Now u're doing it!

    DeT, nice one on the closing line.

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  11. Love the closing line.
    Why the hell you going on about kids anyway?
    I is worried!!!

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  12. hahhhahhah now you would have children that are mixed racd beyond repair.lol

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  13. Hello DeT,

    Just a followup on the Node Six thing.

    Check out http://www.nodesix.net/blogspirit

    Feedback welcome.

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  14. The New Zealand accent is 'kick ass'? Really? Kick-little-helpless-baby-smooth-ass maybe.

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  15. ROTFMAO - u might just get u r blue eye fix if you hook up with an albino asian!

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  16. Haven't been here in a while!
    Hi DeT? You always make me smile ;)

    About eyes....you do know that the blue eyes might still come about even if you don't shag a blue-eyed boy?

    Case in point- my family: the caucasian parent has grey-blue eyes... the 'African' (read black) has brown eyes and the result? 2 out of 6 children have grey-blue eyes and the rest have brown eyes!

    I personally prefer brown eyed, dark haired types- hawt!

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  17. Hey the name I picked out is the coolest. Was nice kicking you ass Antipop

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  18. oh my,now i truly know that i am not alone...
    i also want the blue eyed babies so i favour blue eyed blond long haired guys....

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  19. haha, how did you get that bakasharuhanga part!

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  20. For me, Aryan, sued in that "pure race" context conjures up images of subservient automatons gathered to serve a mass-murdering overlord. The race of the servants of the devil, as it were.
    But then, I'm racist, some have said. :o)

    On the other hand ... I find Whites pretty, very pretty, sometimes, if only because they are different, look different. :o)

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  21. @Danny: I want them to have blue eyes without contacts! How are you confused? Is it about the grey eyes? Grey is a variant of blue.

    @Cheri: Thanks...I'm still going to get you Sybella!

    @Princess: Don't fear! I've not being knocked up, or not that I know of anyway :P

    @Leo: Mmmmm. Maybe I can have a child with each of my favourites. Like one can be half Sri Lankan and another can be half Japanese and another can be half Ugandan etc. etc.

    @Benge: I'll get around to mentioning you soon, when I post next.

    @Tumwi: What are you trying to say hmmm? Is this going to result in you being slapped by me?

    @Seinlife: ROFLMAO!!

    @WildeY: Nice! Though I don't know if I'd want to have 6 children just so I can score 2 of my colour eyes. Maybe I'll get lucky though :-) I like brown eyes, dark haired types too, still want blue eyed kids though. Can you say 'double standard'? :P

    @Chanel: That's right, you kick her arse!

    @Xena: :D Something really cute about those blue eyes. So does this mean you'll be shagging tons of White boys? Cause cool!!!!

    @Lulu: That would be Chanel :-)

    @27th: What are you going on about now? And haven't you noticed yet? A race of the Devil's servants is HAWT!! And I always liked those mass-murdering overlords. In fact, any overlord. And you are racist. Hugely. The only people more racist than you are rednecks and fundamentalists. But it's alright, even though you're racist Negroid scum I still love you.

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  22. Hmmn
    DeTambs
    i am chuckling at P'sMomz firsties/ dancings/ etc...

    and also at Sy's comments

    a ka tiny DeTambs with mad skillz in reactionary comments

    Hehehehe

    i liked this

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  23. This, despite its overtones on the borders, is one of the best and nicest posts I have seen on race and relationships. I have actually, and indeed still do, liked the part on the variety of eyes and then the swing back to the eyes of Germans and Serbians - and then the 'looking' at accents.

    This, in the end, is a play on the senses, no?

    But then maybe, I am reading a little too much into things ...

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  24. Iill drink to your toast De-T, one can only take too much mind altering drugs. More of you would make junkies of all of us. Now for another snort....

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  25. DeTamble?!?! Where hath thou gone?! Hath thou forsaken me woman?

    Also, hi!

    (And i thought DeTamble was ALREADY minature. :O DID I JUST MAKE I SHORT PERSON JOKE I THINK I DID I'M SORRY I MEAN VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!!!!)

    Hi again :P

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  26. You have a preference nothing wrong with that...I used to only date Light skinned women thinkin my kids would come out lighter than me..Didn't work out so well because dark skinned woman had fatter asses..I like a nice Fat ass...lol

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  27. you spread colds and you disappear... dElusive Tamble.

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  28. Darling, what's with the disappearing act? hope you're busying trying out your theory, one of each race-half sri lankan, half etc which part of the globe have you gotten to so far?
    Missing you, return with shagging tales, hopefully on beds not under trees.

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  29. @B2B: Don't tempt me with that thought, imagine me having my very own small child to corrupt from birth, I'd feel more like God than I already do!!!

    @Matanda: Overtones? It's true, it's heavy with overtones, which ones did you pick out? I was rather hoping people wouldn't really notice.

    It is entirely a play on senses. Like most things in life :-)

    @KK: Snort! Snort! Snort!!! I'll bring cocaine!!!

    @Dom: That's right slut! Vertically challenged you little whore! Hey again :p Missed you!

    @Mr. Slish: I never really liked fat arses, didn't really see the point. I always preferred the girls with softer curves, none of this exploding in your face with a truck load of wobbling fat. Softly curved girls that don't reek of over-powering womanliness. The ones that still have that hint of childlike simpleness to their structure, satisfies the paedophile in me, but in saying that you gotta have tits or I won't even bother with a glance!!

    @Antipop: *slouches in, oozing teenage angst from every pore* What?!

    @...: That is cool!! dElusive Tamble, I am so stealing THAT!! You little genius, here come sit beside me and I shall feed you wine and peeled grapes.

    @Xena: I'm up to the North Koreans...nah I'm just kidding, no shagging tales here sorry, just ones where I phone up my friends and whine childishly into the phone about dying.

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