Butts, Booty and Suicide Ledges

I had a conversation yesterday night with three people, a dreadlocked man, a Vietnamese chick and a Brazilian guy. The DL turned to me and asked, very randomly, if I liked Alicia Keys. I said yes, she's nice. And he asked if I thought she had booty? Then in piped the other girl and guy and the conversation got so out of hand I almost cried with laughter.

I don't remember much of the conversation since I was grappling with a painful laughing stitch and trying to get enough oxygen so that I didn't suffocate! But the small parts I can recall went something like this:

J-Lo does not actually have booty. It may look like she does, but if you take a close look it's all hips. SHE HAS MASSIVE CHILD BEARING HIPS!!! And so her butt looks huge because it has to cover those wide, wide hips. But of course that stance really depends on your personal booty view point. In our conversation it was agreed that no, J-Lo does not in fact have booty. What she does have is curves, wide hips and a personal trainer to get that butt into shape. Because without it her butt wouldn't be booty, if it is even that, it would just be wide.

Why have we decided she doesnt' have booty? Because to have real booty your butt must be high! Also, everyone is claiming to have booty these days. It's Hollywood hype. Booty sells. And we don't think booty should be handed to every Tom, Dick and No-Talent Harry who a record label assigned a trainer to, to work their butt into a deceptive booty so they could make some money.

And of course once we got past the shallow Hollywood Booty we got onto real butts and booty.
I was practically in tears by this time so it was mainly the two guys who were speaking.
They said that guys like butts, but no kidding, everyone likes butts. They said what they were looking for in a butt was something they could grab. Round, a little plump, prefferably a little toned. A butt that has been taken care of, smooth, warm, oval, none of that square flat, neglected stuff! They said Booty is a term that gets thrown around far too often, which is very irresponsible. See, real Booty, it has to be high! High and round and plump! And this is something only some girls have. But then we got totally distracted by the high aspect Booty must have, in our opinion. Because African boys have some of the highest butts in existence! Have you seen them??

The Vietnamese girl chimes in with a tale of the African man on her bus who had such a high butt she though he should be offering to carry her home on it. Like a perch. Dreadlocks started miming some ridiculous stuff about African mens butts. But all I can remember was that he made a joke about reaching for his wallet and simply reached a couple of inches over his shoulder, as though his butt was so high that's all it took to get to his back pocket. But he's not far off, so I said when I regained my breath, I know a Nigerian boy and his butt is so high is like a fucking ledge!

DL - Ledge? Ha! Some of their butts are so high people will start commiting suicide off them!