Sunday, 9 March 2008

Text, Sex and Booze

Ummmm, hmmm, errrr, gah. I've never felt less like blogging in my life but as Cheri said I really should write something. Simon, the Sudanese. Nice guy, very interesting, I really enjoyed talking to him. Learnt a lot. Also met a member of the Sudanese Australia Soccer Team. One thing though. And this is a big thing. Simon, is DESPERATE! To have a girlfriend or to get laid, in fact both. I have a boyfriend. I was very very clear that if we spent any time hanging out that it was FRIENDS ONLY! He tried to kiss me, several times. It's just not cool to do that.

Simon and I sitting on a couch arguing about Hilary vs. Obama. Then he tries to kiss me. We weren't even sitting close. He had to move several feet. I pushed his face away and told him that it wasn't okay to do that. Continue talking. He tries again. He was harder to push away this time so, knowing that most guys are ticklish, I tickled him. He squealed like a little girl and moved away very fast. He said sorry and hoped that he hadn't scared me. I said if he had scared me I would have left. Normally, in a strange house with a strange man who wouldn't stop trying to kiss me and obviously wanted more I would have felt scared. But I didn't, in fact I was actually trying not to laugh. He was really desperate to get laid, I was seriously amused. In fact the third time he tried to kiss me I almost laughed in his face. Except I was getting annoyed so I pushed him away really hard and said, yet again, that I was not sleeping with him BECAUSE I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND BECAUSE I JUST MET YOU and that the only way he was going to get laid was if he raped me and then I slammed my fingernail into his throat and dragged it across as hard as I could (it left a nice mark) and said that if he tried I would rip his throat out with my teeth and then I smiled sweetly at him and took my finger off his throat. He didn't try to kiss me again. I sent him a text message later on telling him not to call me. I'm a little sad about it because he was really interesting and I did like him, especially his dark skin and cute cheeks and mattress hair. I wanted to learn more about him. But he screwed up by being so desperate and kind of begging. You just don't do that to someone you just met. He should have gotten to know me, gained my trust, waited for me to fall for him. But he didn't and so he lost all chance.

About the throat mutilation, yes, I am aware that threatening to bite someone's throat out Rambo/werewolf style isn't a normal. But I really wanted to! I was actually a little disappointed he didn't try something a little more forceful because I really, really, really wanted to see if I could actually rip someone's throat out with my teeth. It wasn't personal, I didn't want to hurt him I just wanted to see if I could do it. No I'm not into vampires or anything like that. The idea just came to me one day as a good defence, since it's not something most people would be expecting. Oh well, some other time perhaps.

I got really drunk on Thursday and didn't have any mushrooms because I didn't think it was a good idea to mix drugs. Apparently I am a cemetery child. More on that later though.


  1. Hmm. Me, I think I'd like it if a girl was that intent on laying me ... ;o)
    But that's because I know that girls have their heart in sex. It's not just a chance to offload an urge, like it is for guys If I knew someone was using me merely to unburden, I'd have that idiot dangling from a tree by the neck in a few minutes. Forget biting it - that's kind.

    But my puzzle is: when is it like right? Me, maybe I'm in the group that will let it take one hundred fuckin' years without ever so much as leaning in. I need to be dragged a bit, I guess.

  2. 27th you're possibly the most irritating person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing and then you say something sweet and all my 27th annoyance slips away and I'm left with a soppy smile. Soppy smiles hurt my face, the muscles aren't use to moving that way.

    I'm sure you would be pleased if a girl was that intent on laying you. I would like it too if I wasn't in a relationship.

    Girls have their heart in sex? I do? Do I? Really? You sure? I don't have my heart in sex. Sex is sex. It's awesome and I love it but I'm not emotionally attached by it. It's just sex. I would have screwed him except I have a boyfriend. Physically I am my boyfriends. He trusts me to shag only him whilst we are a "couple". It would be wrong to break that trust. I don't think my friend B has her heart in sex either, otherwise she wouldn't have gone to that party on Saturday night because she was horny and just wanted to screw someone.

    Dangling by the neck in a tree? Would you be interested in becoming my personal bodyguard sometime in the future? There will be perks.

    When is it right to lean in? When she smiles and/or laughs at you and leans forward slightly and touches you lightly. Usually on the arm or leg. It means she likes you. You should probably return the touch within two minutes. If she touches you again soon after you can probably assume that leaning in should happen soonish. Lean in just a little, if she moves away then don't lean in any more! However, if she stays in the same place (she might be nervous) or she leans in slightly to match you then kiss her. Definitely kiss her if she leans in too! Obviously. Don't worry though if that's too confusing. I'll drag you ;)

  3. I don't know why I just like totally like like the last two sentences ...

    Maybe I should train myself to think of sex as just sex. It is a little hard for me to think of it that way. Not that I am conservative or anything. Just a personality thing, I guess.

    I like, by the way, your sex-is-sex thing going along with I-am-my-boyfriend's. Kind of.

    (By the way, I have some cat pics up ...)

  4. Education aside, that guy was such a jerk! I once let a guy take me out and by the end of the night he was sure I was a lesbian cuz I kept hitting his hands off of me and I wouldn't rub him when dancing. It was funny, he kept saying I didn't know how to 'have fun'. Like his idea of fun ends in his bed! ha!

  5. Ehh, now let go of Mr. Sudan cuz he may end up gettin it at all costs.

    He tried to kiss u several the first rejection wasn't clear.

  6. @Cheri - I did let him go. I sent him a text. Heheh. My friends said they were harsh texts but I didn't think so.

    @Carlo - What a sleaze! I hope you never talked to that guy again!

  7. That guy is so lame... sorry if u still knda like him but seriously... I guess he thought the third time might be the charm. It was very rude of him to try to get with u knowing u had someone. punk!!! Im mad at guys today or at least stupid ones not my 'friend' :-) so sorry if im being mean.

  8. He is lame and I do like him a little little bit but oh well I'll get over it. I'm sure the 27th will say something infuriating and it will drive everything else from my mind. Nice to see you back on my blog btw. :D